You're Not Stuck in Survival Mode Because You Failed—Here's Why

Survival mode isn't the enemy—it's the reason you're still standing. But staying there? That's where things get complicated.

What survival mode actually is

Survival mode is your body's way of reacting to what it interprets as a threat. In modern life, that threat is usually stress. Your body prepares for action to keep you alive—and that's necessary.

But here's the difference: In the past, the threat was immediate. You'd run from danger, escape it, and your body would regulate itself. The hormonal loop would close. Threat over. Body returns to normal.

Today? The threat doesn't end. It's prolonged stress. And after divorce, it's relentless.

Why divorce keeps you in survival mode

Divorce is an extremely stressful time. Everything in your life changes—where you live, how often you see your kids (if you have them), your daily routine, your identity. Divorce becomes the threat that triggers survival mode. And because divorce often takes years, you stay in survival mode for a long time.

That's when you get stuck—living from a place of dysregulation.

The question I asked myself

When I went through my divorce and first learned about survival mode, I thought it meant I had failed somehow. Why was I still stuck if the threat was gone? Why hadn't that "loop" just closed on its own once everything was done?

The answer? That's not how the body works.

Your body adapts—and forgets how to thrive

When you've been in survival mode for a long time, your body begins to think it's normal. It learns to function from it. Notice I said function, not thrive.

When you're in survival mode, you're simply surviving—going through the necessary motions to get through your day, and then doing it all over again tomorrow. This is not living. It's strictly surviving.

So how do you get back to living?

The answer lies in addressing the root of what's keeping you stuck. This is where my 5-phase process begins—with Root Cause Therapy as the foundation.

As a certified Root Cause Therapy practitioner, I use this modality as the first step in my 90-day coaching program for women after divorce. Why? Because it's impossible to move forward when your body and mind are still operating as if the threat is ongoing.

How Root Cause Therapy works

Root Cause Therapy uncovers and releases the subconscious beliefs, stories, and patterns keeping your body locked in survival mode.

Think of it like this: During your divorce, your nervous system adapted to survive the stress. It created beliefs like, "I have to do everything myself," or "I'm not safe to trust anyone." These beliefs served a purpose—they helped you get through the hardest moments.

But now? They're outdated. They're the reason your body still feels like it's under threat, even though the divorce is over.

In Root Cause Therapy, we gently identify these patterns and release them at their source. It's not about forcing yourself to "move on" or pretending everything's fine. It's about creating a safe space for your body and mind to process what's unresolved—so you can finally close those loops and step out of survival mode.

The foundation for everything else

This is the first step in my 5-phase process because it lays the groundwork for everything else. Once we've addressed the root causes, we can move into the next phases—rebuilding your identity, reconnecting with your intuition, and creating a vision for your future that feels aligned, expansive, and deeply fulfilling.

What changes when you do this work

Everything.

Your body starts to feel safe again. Your mind becomes clearer. You stop reacting to life and start responding with intention. You reconnect with your bravest, fullest, most connected self—the version of you that's ready to thrive, not just survive.

To your fullest life yet,

Nicki
Women’s Freedom Facilitator