Why Survival Mode isn’t the Enemy – and How Women Can Finally Break Free From it After Divorce.

Survival mode isn’t the enemy, it’s the reason you’re still standing. But staying there? That’s where we get into trouble. Let me explain.

Survival mode is our bodies way of reacting to what it interprets as a threat, which in modern society is most often stress. Survival mode is the body’s way of preparing for action, to keep us alive, and that’s why it is necessary. But what happens to many of us now is the threat isn’t us being chased and our body reacting with enough adrenaline to outrun whatever is trying to eat us, the threat is prolonged stress. Especially after a divorce. Which I’ll come back to.

Using the example of being chased, once we outrun the threat, our body recognizes the threat is no longer present and regulates itself. It has completed the loop of hormones and our body’s reaction to the threat and returns to normal. The loop has been closed.

In today’s world, where the threat is stress, the loop doesn’t get closed. Our body stays in survival mode. And long term, this is very bad for us, physically and emotionally.

Back to divorce. Divorce is an extremely stressful time, everything in our lives change, from where we live to how often we see our kids (if we have them). Divorce is the threat the puts us in survival mode and then because divorce often takes years, we end up staying in survival mode for a long time. Which can lead to us getting “stuck” there and living from a place of dysregulation.

I remember when I went through my divorce and first learned about all of this. I thought it meant I had failed somehow, why was I stuck in survival mode if the threat was now gone? Why hadn’t that “loop” just closed on its own once everything was done?

The answer? It’s just not how the body works. When we have been in survival mode for a long period of time, our body begins to think it’s normal. It begins to be able to function from it. Notice I said function, not thrive? That’s because when we are in survival mode, we are simply surviving, going through the necessary functions to get through our day and then doing it all again tomorrow. This is not living; it is strictly surviving.

So how do you get back to living? How do you learn to thrive after divorce?

The answer to thriving after divorce lies in addressing the root of what’s keeping you stuck in survival mode. This is where my 5-phase process begins—with Root Cause Therapy as the foundation.

As a certified Root Cause Therapy practitioner, I use this powerful modality as the first step in my 90-day coaching program for women after divorce. Why? Because it’s impossible to move forward when your body and mind are still operating as if the threat is ongoing.

Root Cause Therapy works by uncovering and releasing the subconscious beliefs, stories, and patterns that are keeping your body locked in survival mode. Think of it like this: during your divorce, your nervous system adapted to survive the stress. It might have created beliefs like, “I have to do everything myself,” or “I’m not safe to trust anyone.” These beliefs served a purpose—they helped you get through the hardest moments. But now? They’re outdated. They’re the reason your body still feels like it’s under threat, even though the divorce is over.

In Root Cause Therapy, we gently identify these patterns and release them at their source. It’s not about forcing yourself to “move on” or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about creating a safe space for your body and mind to process what’s unresolved, so you can finally close those loops and step out of survival mode.

This is the first step in my 5-phase process because it lays the groundwork for everything else. Once we’ve addressed the root causes, we can move into the next phases—rebuilding your identity, reconnecting with your intuition, and creating a vision for your future that feels aligned, expansive, and deeply fulfilling.

When you do this work, everything changes. Your body starts to feel safe again. Your mind becomes clearer. You stop reacting to life and start responding with intention. You reconnect with your bravest, fullest, most connected self—the version of you that’s ready to thrive, not just survive.

To your fullest life yet,

Nicki

Women’s Freedom Facilitator