When Life Cracks You Wide Open

My story begins with divorce, but that was only the beginning. During the proceedings, my mom was diagnosed with dementia at a young age. She was always my biggest supporter and passed away in March 2019. Then my brother died unexpectedly in December 2020, right as COVID lockdowns began. I couldn't have a real funeral or do the things that help us process loss.

Growing up, it was me, my mom, and my brother - the three of us. Losing them sent me to a really dark place I didn't know existed for me. I'd always been the "strong and capable" person who could handle anything.

The Identity Crisis No One Talks About

I didn't know who I was without them. Even though I was running a successful business and raising a child, I felt completely untethered. This is something people don't discuss enough in grief - the identity piece. When we try to go back to who we were before the loss, we get stuck, because that person doesn't exist anymore.

Redefining Strength

I realized my version of "strength" wasn't actually strength - it was just being really good at ignoring things or shoving them down. True strength involves vulnerability, the ability to recognize things in ourselves, communicate, and be open. That's not easy to do, so you have to have strength to be vulnerable.

The Power of Starting Small

My healing began with something incredibly simple - a daily green drink. Just a scoop of green powder in water every morning. That's all I had capacity for, but it changed everything. It was me giving myself permission to care for myself and the space to do it.

Permission to Feel Joy

One breakthrough was giving myself permission to feel joy. Part of me wanted to stay miserable because I felt that was honoring my mom and brother. When I realized it was okay to be happy and that they would want me to live, that permission piece was huge.

I reconnected with horses - a passion my mom and I shared. In 2022, I bought a horse and we've even competed in shows. Having him has saved me. Getting back into something we loved together became a way of honoring her while moving forward.

Learning to Communicate Needs

I learned to articulate what I need. After my dad passed last year, I told my partner three specific things: weekly time to talk about my dad, more hugs, and to never make me feel broken for having grief days. People want to help but often don't know how.

The Dual Nature of Healing

Healing involves both processing grief AND taking intentional breaks from it. I gave myself permission to have days where I stayed in pajamas, ordered Chinese food (something mom and I did together), and just rested on the couch. Your body needs you to rest.

My Work Now

This experience shaped my professional direction. Through my program "Your Next Chapter," I help women after divorce reconnect with themselves and step into the life they deserve. So many women lose their identity in marriage and don't know who they want to become.

Key Takeaways

• Healing takes longer than expected - that's normal
• Identity reconstruction is part of recovery from major life changes
• Start with micro-habits that can become foundations for transformation
• True strength involves vulnerability and emotional honesty
• You can feel both grief and joy simultaneously
• Rest is necessary, not optional, during grief
• Communicate your needs clearly
• Honor loved ones by incorporating their interests into your life

The path through major life transitions goes through the experience, not around it. It's about gradually integrating what was lost while embracing what's possible. Your next chapter is waiting.

If you’re ready to take that next step, I’d love to help. You don’t have to do this alone.